Getting pregnant... or should that be not getting pregnant

I am feeling really down today and tell you the truth I have been for a while now.
I am not too sure if it is something I should be putting on here but I don't know if it is something I can talk about to my friends because I just need someone to listen, not give advice and offer there support.

I am not getting pregnant.  I know that the average time for people to fall pregnant is one year but when one of your good friends comes to you and tells you she is pregnant in the first month of trying you cannot help but feel like you are doing something wrong. 

My husband and I have both wanted kids forever.  It has been something that we have always wanted even before meeting each other.

We decided that after our wedding I would come off the pill and we would start trying.  Even though I had heard stories of it taking some women a while to get pregnant I secretly thought I would get pregnant quickly (don't know why).

The first two months of being off the pill were terrible.  I was sooooo sick, I was off my food, I was nauseous, I had every symptom of pregnancy (even missing a period) besides the actual baby growing inside me.
I bit of a bummer when you take three pregnancy tests (one blood and two urine, home and doctor) and they are negative.  

We had prepared ourselves with ovulation kits, consulted books and websites but my cycle was soooo messed up that we did not even know when I was ovulating to actually take the test.  When I would test myself, day after day after day it was come up that I was not ovulating.

Andy and I decided to stop trying two months before our honeymoon.  I thought it was better to not go traveling while in the early stages of pregnancy. 
While Andy was away in the UK a month before our honeymoon, that was the first time a test come up that I was ovulating.  No good then was it!!!

Then again continued testing and nothing coming up.

I really do feel like I am doing something wrong.  Why is it that I cannot work out a simple thing like when I am ovulating?  Isn't it something that some girls just know (not me)?

I keep thinking in the back of my mind that something must be wrong when to tell you the truth I feel like things have been working against us.  My cycle being so messed up really hinders the getting pregnant bit.  My cycle seemed to be the same for two months then I got my period 4 days early this month!!!  Why after 8 months is it still sorting itself???!!!!!

Anyway I am really happy for my friend, I gave her a huge hug and congratulated her and said all the right things.  I actually feel kind of honored as I am the very first person (besides her husband) that knows.  She is a bit freaked out and waiting for that to pass before letting others know.   I do admit though that I felt like a knife was stuck into my heart when she told me and since she told me I have felt really low.  I am trying not to stress out about it, I know it wont help.
I am eating well and trying to loose weight (I am not hugely over weight), all things that will help with conception.

Anyway... there it is. 
I am feeling a bit better for venting.  Even if essentially it is in a public forum.  Who knows if anyone reads this blog anyway.  Maybe in this instance it is a good thing that I don't have a huge legion of fans following me.

Fingers crossed for next month ah??!!

Things I am loving...

Things that have made me happy over the last three days...

• Fun lunch time on Friday in the sun with my friends at work.  Laughing, relaxing and enjoying each others company.
• Attending my second Weight Watchers meeting and loosing 3.5kg!
• Having a good friend to go to Weight Watchers with so we can encourage each other and plan 'walking dates' together.
• Going to The Cloud last night and having fun with friends watching the All Blacks kick French butt.  Great place, clean toilets (and enough of them), good food stands, great big screens and a good vibe.
• Having a Movenpick ice cream after being at The Cloud.
• Being able to pick beautiful flowers from my own garden.
• Being able to make yummy pizzas in our homemade pizza oven.
• Knowing that summer is another step closer because of day light savings starting this weekend.
• Walking up Mt Wellington on Friday evening (stunning weather wise) and taking in the beautiful view.
• Knowing there are only two weeks until the school holidays!!

 

Have a great week!!

This time last week...

This time last week I was sitting in my first Weight Watchers meeting.  And if you are wondering why I am not there now it is because we decided we would rather regularly attend a Saturday morning meeting.

Anyway, one week down and everything is going well.
I am looking forward to seeing how much weight I have lost.  By then it will be a week and a half so I am hoping for it to be a significant loss. 

Challenges I have faced this past week are,

• Going out for dinner with the girls last Thursday and even though Garrisons in Sylvia Park  have a fantastic menu there is no dish that stands out as being overly diet wise.  I decided to have the Algerian Lamb Salad which was fantastic and a better option then pub fish and chips (my fave).

• Getting used to converting food to points and then counting points for every meal, everyday.

• Going to the rugby and because of the traffic having to go straight to the game with no lunch.  I had to have hot chips that day.  Still fell within my points but I did not want them to tell you the truth.

I will be updating my blog with my progress, challenges and success.  Lets hope the success outweigh the challenges (I am pretty focused so I am sure they will)

Things I am loving...

Yet another week has wizzed by at speed!!  It is time to reflect on the goodness that surrounds me and be thankful for the small things.

I am loving the daffodils my Grandad picked for me this morning...

My Grandad is a real gentleman, he told my Grandma not to pick too many fancy ones during the week so he can give them to me this weekend!!

I am loving the patriotism that people are showing during the Rugby World Cup!

I love seeing flags on cars, makeshift flagpoles on front lawns, flags hung in home and businesses windows and campervans decorated in various flags going to and from games.  Everyone seems to be  getting into the spirit of things, it is great to see.

I am loving how good the crowd was at the New Zealand vs Japan game.  It was really special to have a moments silence for the victims of the Christchurch earthquake as well as the Japan tsunami/earthquake earlier this year.
It was fantastic to have most of the crowd willing the Japanese team to get a try.  And the loudest cheer of the night by far was to the Japanese when they scored their try!!!

I am loving that I am home alone tonight while Andy is at the Australia vs Ireland game.  I get to have a bit of time to myself to devour more goodness on Pinterest

Follow me on Pinterest...  http://pinterest.com/nzmel/

Watch trash TV on the E channel and eat a Carbless Bar (only 3 propoints!!!)

 

YUM!!  Which one will I have? 

And some shiny new magazines (a bargain at 3 for $15) for me to flick through!!!

Basically I am going to relax after another busy week.

Enjoy the coming week, fingers crossed for some sunshine!!
xxoo

First day down...

First day on weight watchers and it was not too bad at all.

My challenge today was getting my head around allocating 'points' to foods again and being a bit more organised with food again.

For my weight I am allocated 37 points each day.  I have eaten 26 points today.  In addition to that I exercised and earned myself 4 extra points.  So I am doing not too bad.  I am sure however I wont have days like this everyday.

A student in my class gave me a chocolate bar today to say thank you for something I did for her last Friday.  It is still sitting on my desk and I am going to give it away tomorrow.  These things are sent to test us, I won this one!!

Day one down and I am doing good.

  

I have done it!!!

I have joined Weight Watchers!!

I am sure that every women has had issues with her weight at some stage. 
I have come to realise that for me, my weight is always going to be my struggle.  It has taken 32 years for me to realise this. 
I look back on photos of myself growing up and think, 'oh, I was a wee bit chubs!' 
I have dieted and exercised in the hopes of becoming skinny but unfortunately each time I have lost weight I seemed to have found it again. 

Towards the end of my 29th year I decided it was time to take control of my life and get healthy.  I lost around 23kgs over the course of a year.   I felt great!  I still had more to loose but I was feeling a lot more confident and healthier as a result of the loss.
To be honest I did not find it too difficult loosing the weight.  I enjoyed the challenge and rewards of making healthy meals and eating well all the time.  I loved the gym and had great support there.  

At around the  18kg mark I met Andy (hubby).  I was still dedicated to the weight loss however it became more difficult because I could not be so selfish with my time.  I had other things to do now.  I had hot dates and weekends of loved up bliss.
I still managed to get to the gym around 3 or so times a week and tried really hard to continue to eat well.  This was really difficult because my routine was different.
We moved in together after 5 months of dating and I started being the domestic goddess that I was destined to be.   Baking, entertaining, cooking lovely meals. 
And then at the start of 2010 I hurt my back.  I was in pain for around 4 months and could not physically go to the gym because I had not healed.
When my back was better I did not feel confident doing physical activity. I was worried that if I did something I would hurt my back and be at square one again.  I would get back into the gym and then get busy with work (very good excuse) and then be back at square one yet again.

What I am getting at is that unfortunately weight has crept on over the past year and a half.
I have put on around 15kg!!! 
I am really embarrassed about that.  I feel like all my hard work was for nothing.

I love the feeling of loosing weight.
I love the compliments that come with it.
I love the higher energy levels
The feeling of being in control.

Before we went to Bali I got back into regular sessions at the gym and started watching what I was eating again. I found it a lot harder this time around and did not get the results I did previously.

A week or so ago back it dawned on me that I need that external motivation now to loose weight.  I need to be accountable to someone.  I need to have a goal to work towards.
I had been to Weight Watchers before and it is a great programme.

So tonight a good friend and I make our way to our first meeting.  We felt embarrassed as we had our first weigh in and then as we shared our starting weights with each other.

I am excited about what lies ahead for us.
I am looking forward to the results I will see in the near future.
I am happy and proud of myself (and my friend) for taking control again.
I am looking forward to summer where I will feel a bit better about myself when I show a little bit of skin.

Wish me luck, I am sure at times I am going to need it!!!!

Things I am loving...

 

THE OPENING OF THE RUGBY WORLD CUP!!

After watching the opening from the most amazing position I am proud to be a New Zealander!!

View from the 16th floor of my Aunties work building.  Prime location to watch the goings on. 

 

The cloud/Queens Wharf

 

 

Level 2 of my Aunties building.  Sooooooo many people.  I am very glad we were not part of that heaving crowd.

 

More people.  All the way down Quay Street.  

 

Night time on Queens Wharf

 

Fireworks

 

The opening celebrations were amazing.  

My Aunty works on Quay Street right across from the water and we were fortunate enough to watch the opening celebrations from there (even though she went to the game).

The crowds in the city were insane!!!  I have never seen so many people,  they were everywhere!

We watched Dave Dobbyn from Level 2 of the building (on a big screen), watched the parade and this  ended up being the exact place where a choir sang and absailers went down during the opening.

The cloud looked amazing from where we were!  Wish we got in but it was near impossible from what I heard.

The fireworks were the most amazing I have ever seen were let off at around 8pm!!

The organisers should give themselves a pat on the back.

And I am also loving my Dad (even more then I do already).  He turned down tickets to the opening ceremony/game to hang with me.  Apparently he did not hesitate when asked if he wanted them.  What you need to understand is my Dad is the hugest rugby fan I know.  I felt awful that he turned them down but in the same token thankful he did because we hung out and had fun.

Best wife in the world award goes to...

ME!!!!

Boy oh boy am I flavour of the month in our house.

I was lucky enough to win the ultimate prize.   Man prize that is.

Over $5000 worth of power tools!!

I entered a competition through facebook and yesterday afternoon I got the phone call from Mitre 10.  I had won the top prize. 

You should see the list of things I get!!  There are a ridiculous amount of things I win.  Ridiculous amounts of power tool goodness.

You should also see the wide eyed look of excitement on my husbands face.  He is like a kid in a candy shop.  Andy is the king of DIY and to now have all but one of his dream power tools he is the happiest man on the planet.

I am slightly excited about it, I am happy we have won a water blaster because that is going to be super handy to clean my car.  I am happy we now have a hedge trimmer, blower vac, line trimmer and pole pruning, trimmer thing, I have wanted these things for a while.  The other stuff just does not really float my boat.

The cool thing is I won a lawn mower, we already have a reasonably new one and have a small lawn so we are going to sell that.  And I get to go shopping with the money we get - woooohoooo!!!

Anyway when we receive the prize I will no doubt take photos and I am thinking of secretly videoing Andy.  If yesterday was anything to go by he will be wide eyed and jumping around like a crazy man!

I am loving...

 

Quick one this week...

I am loving that my photo wall is 90% finished.  We need to get a photo of Andys late Grandfather restored and that will be in the last frame to go up.

 

In the multi frame we have photos of our parents, siblings, grandparents, extended family and then in the larger frames photos from our January wedding, a photo of my late Nana and in the gap will be a photo of Andys Grandfather.  Thank you Pinterest for giving me the idea!!

I am loving the present I have made for our Dads for Fathers Day.

A $2.40 container from The Warehouse and some home made goodies make a nice gift I think.

Our Dads are getting a jar of Lemon Honey, a bag of homemade Museli, cheese sticks, ginger slice, banana slice, chunky chocolate chip cookies, museli slice and maori kisses (an old Aunt Daisy recipe).

I am loving that excitement is building for the Rugby World Cup.

I am loving that the boys in my class are gentlemen and open the door for me.  They are 12 and 13, good to train them up I think.

I am loving our house - see previous post.

I am loving that some of my bulbs are flowering.

I am loving the Footrot Flats Movie all over again, we went to see it on the big screen last night. It is playing for two weeks.

I am loving that I am off to the Waikato vs Canterbury final tonight with my crazy rugby mad family.  It will be a great night.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and fingers crossed for lots of spring sunshine this coming week.